I awoke with a headache that could kill,
so I got up and downed some Advil.

My breath was so bad I could not wait
to brush my teeth and tongue with Colgate.

Today was hot, and I knew I’d sweat hard.
I bathed with SafeGuard, used extra RightGuard.

I opened a new package of Hanes.
They were too small and gave me big pains.

I went in my closet to get dressed - Oh, no!
Under the arm was a hole in my Polo.

I guess I must have gained weight in my thighs,
‘cause something sure made too tight my Levi’s.

There was a hole in every one of my socks,
and how’d so much mud get on my white Reeboks?

Driving to work, in front of the Baptist church,
a dog darted out, causing me to lurch…

The SUV spun, ending up in a ditch,
with a spike stuck clean through my B.F.Goodrich.

I had to work extra hard not to get fired,
arriving late. Working so hard, I got really tired.

For supper I phoned in to Pizza Hut,
but my order was taken by a real nut.

I ordered pepperoni with extra cheese.
What I received were anchovies, if you please.

On TV I watched the ‘March Madness’.
My team losing badly gave me sadness.

To watch Letterman or Leno is always a fight.
I wanted to watch the guest they had on Tonight.

It was Dennis Rodman. “Tho he can be a creep,
I enjoy watching him. Alas, I fell fast asleep….